Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
