Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
