Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
