If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
