the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
