I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
