I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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