I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
