I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
