This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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