Betty ford says i'm here all night
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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