Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
