Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
