I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
