I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
