I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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