even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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