If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
