no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You smell like stripper and shame
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
