is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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