During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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