The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
