ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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