All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
