Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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