Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
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Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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