Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
