so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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