We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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