i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
