'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
