we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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