wat bout pragnant strippers??
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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