I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
