What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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