He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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