i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
