I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
