dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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