I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
