oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Randomize
