dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
