If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
worst night to have a conscience
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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