I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
