Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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