I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I love you.
Bad choice
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
