sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
