we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
