you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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