You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
