I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
