Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Buhtt sex?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
