drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
