haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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