Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
