I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
