My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
