During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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