I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
