i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
