Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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