Swine flu. Run for my life!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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