you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
