Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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