i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
50% drunk capacity currently
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
