She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
