"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
