I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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