Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
