he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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