I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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