Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
