You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
