remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
