you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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